So This is What Happens in Singles Wards

I don't even know how to begin this. I've watched the popular LDS comedy "Singles Ward" a billion times. I've even encountered people who, I swear, were the awkward Darrells of the film. But until Monday I don't think I'd ever really been in a personal situation with one. My wards in college were fairly normal. Oh sure we had a few people that were...different. But they were nothing compared to Donald (who is not a duck). Let me break this down. I decided to finally start being more social and attend what I could of FHE on Monday. After the activity was over, he cornered me. Donald is new to the ward and likes to stare. A lot. I listened to him talk about wanting to be a fireman for about seven minutes before my brother finally saw my panicked face. I'd been trying to get my friend's attention for quite a while. Somehow Matthew ended up talking to Donald while I was with another friend. I went to tell him I was leaving. And that's when it all started.

*Matthew exits the scene*
Donald: Oh you're leaving?
Me: Yeah I am.
D: Do you have somewhere to be?
M: Well I have to run an errand and then I'm going home.
D: Oh. Well maybe I should ask you the question now that I was going to ask later.
(As he said this I started panicking. My exact thought was "Oh h no! This is not happening to me right now.)
M: Ok. (At this point another friend walked over and I had to shoo him away.)
D: Soooo...your brother tells me you don't date much.

PAUSE!!! Who in their right mind uses that as a pick-up line?! This was not going to be good.

M: Yeah...and?
D: Sooo, would you maybe make it a consideration? Or would you say respectfully no?

The kid doesn't even ask me on a proper date. What is going on here?

M: (Thinking fast) I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to (and I quoted him exactly) say respectfully no.
D: Oh ok. I understand if you aren't ready or don't feel like it. That's totally fine.
M: Yeah I'm just not interested. Sorry. Well, thanks for the offer. I'm going to go now. (I was trying to escape. And fast.)
D: I just want you to know that I'm a very respectable person and very respectful. I would never do anything to disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable.
M: I understand. Thanks. I'm going to go now.

This is terrible of me but in my head all I could think was "Honey, I don't think you'd know how to disrespect me even if you tried."

So there you have it. That's my dating life in a nutshell.